The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
Source : http://www.funnyjokes.org/The-bride-and-her-husband10_J.aspx
THE PENGUIN AND THE SHOP KEEPER
A penguin walks into the shop and says have you got any apples and the shop keeper says no.
The next day he goes in again and asks for some apples, the shop keeper says no.
The next day he goes in again and asks the same thing and the shop keeper says no, if you come in one more time and ask me for sum bloody apples, i will nail your feet to the floor !!
The next day the penguin goes back in the shop and says " have you got any nails" the shop keeper says no so the penguin says " well can I have some grapes then" !!
Source :
MAKE MY HORSE LAUGH There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So this guy walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure.
The cowboy walks out there and whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically. The guys walks in and the bartender gives him the drinks. The next night the same guy and the same thing happens.
The third night the sign is changed to making the horse cry. The guy goes out side and a few minutes later he comes back in and the horse is crying.
The bartender says 'o.k. you can have your drinks but first tell me what you did to make my horse laugh.'
The cowboy said, 'I told him my privates are bigger than his.'
'O.K. but how did you make him cry?'
The cowboy replied, 'I proved it to him.'
Source : http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Animal-Jokes/Make-My-Horse-Laugh.html
PRAY BEFORE EATING
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
Source : http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=5296&id=1
FATHER OF WHO
A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him. Source : http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=4982&id=1
She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?"
The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids".
The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife.
So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my bare ass with a whip?"
The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher".
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