TEKA-TEKI 2 (PANTUN)

Pantun Teka-Teki

Kalau Tuan pergi ke kedai
Belikan saya buah keranji
Kalau tuan bijak pandai
Apa binatang keris di kaki?

Ada sebiji roda pedati
Bentuknya bulat daripada besi
Bila bermain diikat sekuat hati
Dilempar hidup dipegang mati?

Buah budi bedara mengkal
Masak sebiji di tepi pantai
Hilang budi bicara akal
Buah apa tidak bertangkai?

Burung nuri burung dara
Terbang ke sisi taman kayangan
Cubalah teka wahai saudara
Semakin diisi makin ringan?

Bunga orkid indah warnanya
Penyeri taman dan juga hutan
Ramai orang datang bertanya
Bintang apa hidup di lautan?

Pak Pung Pak Mustafa
Encik Dollah dirumahnya
Ada tepung ada kelapa
Gula Melaka jadi intinya

Kelip-kelip kusangka api
Kalau api mana asapnya?
Hilang ghaib disangkakan mati
Kalau mati mana kuburnya?

Budak-budak bermain batu
Batu dikira satu persatu
Badannya lurus bermata satu
Ekornya tajam apakah itu?

Jika tuan membeli tikar
Tikar anyaman dari mengkuang
Kalau Tuan bijak pintar
Ular apa membelit pinggang?

Masak tumis sambal petai
Makan kenyang sambil sendawa
Anda menziarah sahabat handai
Buah apakah yang akan dibawa?

Pokoknya bulat dan juga rendang
Masam dan hijau ketika muda
Buahnya berbentuk seperti bintang
Sudah masak, kuninglah ia

Belayar perahu dari Bentan
Menyusur tepi Selat Melaka
Lebar kepala dari badan
Apakah ikan cubalah teka?

Mak Minah menanak minyak
Kemenyan dibakar dengan setanggi
Dua peha beranak banyak
Untuk mendaki tempat yang tinggi?

Orang bekerja diberikan upah
Hidangan disaji dalam talam
Gajah putih ditengah rumah
Layar terkembang di waktu malam?

Gigi berduri tatah bersigai
Pembelah kayu ia berguna
Jika tuan orang yang pandai
Benda apakah makannya dua cara?

Jika ke kedai pergi berbelanja
Belikan saya sudu dan senduk
Jika pandai katakan ia
Semakin berisi semakin menunduk?

Kalau tuan pakai lencana
Pakailah songkok di atas kepala
Kalau Tuan bijak laksana
Binatang apakah tiada kepala?

Pisau lipat dimainnya kera
Tangannya luka lalu terjun
Makan kuat tidak terkira
Kenyangnya tidak tahi bertimbun?

Minah ketawa terjerit-jerit
Melihat koyak pada seluar
Orang putih duduk sederet
Pagar didalam tebing diluar?

Tuan puteri belajar menari
Tari diajar oleh Pak Harun
Kalau Tuan bijak bestari
Apa yang naik tak pernah turun?

Ulat daun tidur berembun
Di pohon kelapa setiap masa
Banyak daun perkara daun
Daun apakah dahan tiada?

Ada satu teka-teki
Pada tuan saya bilang bagi
Kalau tuan bijak sekali
Apa binatang tiada kaki?

Cendawan bulat ditepi paya
Bawa orang dari hulu
Banyak hairan di hati saya
Kecil dia segan,besar dia tak malu?

JAWAPAN :

Jawapan 1 : Ayam
Jawapan 2: Gasing
Jawapan 3: Buah Melaka
Jawapan 4 : Belon
Jawapan 5 : Tapak Sulaiman
Jawapan 6 : Buah Melaka
Jawapan 7 : Kilat
Jawapan 8: Jarum
Jawapan 9: Tali Pinggang
Jawapan 10: Buah Tangan
Jawapan 11: Belimbing
Jawapan 12: Ikan Pari
Jawapan 13: Tangga
Jawapan 14; Kelambu
Jawapan 15: Gergaji
Jawapan 16: Padi
Jawapan 17: Ketam
Jawapan 18: Api
Jawapan 19: Gigi
Jawapan 20: Umur

Jawapan 21: Daun Terup

Jawapan 22: Ular

Jawapan 23 : Kuntum Bunga.

Sumber : http://penyair.wordpress.com/2007/04/05/teka/

KOLEKSI LAWAK JENAKA 6

ANAK SIAPA

Suzy menyampaikan hasrat hatinya kepada bapanya untuk berkahwin dengan
Robert,
Jejaka pilihannya yang juga adalah jiran dan teman sepermainannya sejak
kecil lagi.
Suzy :Ayah, Robert melamar saya. Kami mahu berkahwin.
Ayah :Apa? Tidak boleh! Kamu boleh berkahwin dengan sesiapa saja kecuali
Robert.
Suzy:Tapi mengapa?
Ayah :(Separuh berbisik) Kerana Robert sebenarnya adalah abangmu.Tapi,
jangan beritahu ibumu ye! Terkejut dengan jawapan itu,suzy pergi pula kepada
ibunya.
Suzy :Ibu, Ayah melarang saya berkahwin dengan Robert.
Ibu :Tak usah dengar cakap ayah kamu tu. Kamu boleh kahwin dengan sesiapa
yang kamu suka termasuk Robert.
Suzi :Tapi kata ayah, Robert itu abang saya.Adik beradik kan tak boleh
kahwin.
Ibu :(Separuh berbisik) Hmmm….Ayah kamu pun tak tahu kamu bukan anaknya.
Suzy :Ha!!??

Sumber : http://blogs.iium.edu.my

BUDAK, LELAKI TUA DAN COKLAT

Seorang lelaki tua sedang berehat di bangku taman bunga. Datang seorang budak kecil duduk disebelah. Si budak mengeluarkan cokelat dari poket lalu menjamahnya. Habis satu, dia mula lagi satu. Dan lagi. Dan lagi. Si tua memerhatikan sekian lama. Apabila budak kecil mula hendak makan cokelat yang ke-10, dia mencelah, "Nak, pakcik nak bagi nasihat sikit" Budak kecil melihat sambil mendiamkan diri. "Kalau makan banyak sangat makanan ringan, tak elok untuk kesihatan dan gigi rosak!" Si budak berkata,"Datuk saya ada nasihat juga." "Dia pun kata jangan makan makanan ringan?" "Tak. Dia kata JANGAN MASUK CAMPUR HAL ORANG LAIN

Sumber : http://www.lawakceritakelakar.blogspot.com/

KEK HARI JADI

Seorang lelaki telah pergi ke sebuah kedai kek untuk memesan sebiji kek
sempena hari jadi isterinya.
‘Apa yang hendak ditulis pada kek ulang tahun ini,encik?’ tanya si gadis
manis yang bertugas di kaunter kepada lelaki itu.

‘Mmmm, tulis saja ‘Sayang tidak bertambah tua’ di bahagian atas,
kemudian sambung dengan ‘Sayang cuma bertambah cantik’ di bahagian bawah,
kata lelaki itu. Esoknya, lelaki itu datang mengambil kek yang ditempahnya
itu dan terus membawa pulang ke rumah untuk dipersembahkan kepada isterinya
yang tersayang di hadapan tetamu-tetamu yang lain. Dan ketika kek itu dibuka
di depan isteri dan tetamu undangan yang lain, lelaki itu setengah pengsan
ketika membaca tulisan yang tertera di kek itu:

‘SAYANG TIDAK BERTAMBAH TUA DI BAHAGIAN ATAS. SAYANG CUMA BERTAMBAH CANTIK DI BAHAGIAN BAWAH.’

Sumber : http://blogs.iium.edu.my

CUCU DAN ATOK

"Mengapa tak seperti kawan sebaya kau?" Seorang atuk tegur cucu dia yang tak cemerlang dalam peperiksaan.
Atuk: "Tengok kawan-kawan sebaya cu, semua lulus tinggi-tinggi. Cu ini asyik internet, tv atau main bola. Bila nak belajar??? Besar nak jadi apa???" (Atok marah tahap tertinggi)
Cucu: "Atok asyik bandingkan dengan kengkawan yang lain. Cu tak pernah pun marah bila atok tak sama seperti kawan-kawan sebaya atok yang lain."
Atuk: "Tak sama apanyerr???"
Cucu: "Kawan-kawan sebaya atok semua dah jadi arwah kan?"
Atuk: "?...?...?...?...?...?"

Sumber : http://www.lawakceritakelakar.blogspot.com/

KISAH DUA EKOR BURUNG

Di sebuah kedai menjual burung, terdapat 2 ekor burung kakak tua.
Kedua burung itu berbeza, yang satu suka bernyanyi dan yang satunya lagi
hanya diam saja, datang seorang lelaki ingin membeli burung kakak tua.Ia berkata

kepada si penjual burung.
Pembeli :Berapa harga burung kakak tua ini…??
Penjual: Kalau yang suka menyanyi itu $500, sedangkan yang diam itu $1000.
Pembeli: Ahhh…?? Kenapa yang suka menyanyi lebih murah dari yang diam.
Penjual: Yaa…memang berbeza, yang berharga $1000 itu ialah pencipta
lagunya.

Sumber : http://blogs.iium.edu.my

RIDDLES 5

RIDDLES

WHO SMASHED THE WINDOW?

Four kids were playing, and one of them threw a ball right through your window. Here's what they had to say for themselves.

A: Not me! I didn't break a thing!
B: Ok, I'll tell the truth. It was me. I broke it.
C: Don't be mad at A! He didn't do anything!
D: B didn't break the glass, I swear.

You know that someone must be lying. But how many of them are lying? Can you figure out who smashed your window?


ANSWER

A, B, and C were lying. A in fact broke the window.

Source : http://www.trickyriddles.com



BALLONS

Robert and David were preparing to have a water balloon fight. "No fair," cried Robert. "You have 3 times as many as I do!" David said, "Fine!" and gave Robert 10 more balloons. "Still not fair!" argued Robert. "You still have twice as many as I do." How many more balloons must David give Robert for them to have the same number?

ANSWER

David must give Robert another 20 water balloons, giving them each 60. Robert started with 30 water balloons and David with 90.

Source : http://www.trickyriddles.com


WHAT WILL YOU BRING?

A train conducter only lets on people who bring the right item. Mr. Tompson, the first man, brings pepper but not salt. The second man brings an apple but not an orange. What will you bring?

ANSWER

Supper but not lunch. Everything has a double P.


Source : http://www.trickyriddles.com



NINE SHORT RIDDLES

1. What kind of words are the following: Level, civic, madam and eye.
2. What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up?
3. What is the shortest complete sentence in the English language?
4. I arrive once in every second, once in every minute and once in every year. What am I?
5. What always ends everything?
6. If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me. What am I?
7. How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride out on Friday?
8. The man who makes it does not need it. The man who buys its does not use it. The man who uses it doesn't know he is. What is it?
9. It regulates our daily movements, but it feels no interest in our lives. It directs us when to come and go, but does not care if we pay attention. What is it?



ANSWERS


1. They are palindromes - they read the same forward and backwards.
2. An umbrella!
3. Some show the solution as, "I am," but "Go." is shorter.
4. The letter "e" (sEcond, minutE, yEar).
5. The letter "g".
6. A secret.
7. His horse is named Friday!
8. A Coffin.
9. A clock.

Source : http://www.increasebrainpower.com/short-riddles.html

FUNNY JOKES 5

WHEN JET LI MEETS SPIELBERG

Jet Li walked into a pub in New York with his pal. He says to his pal: “Hey! That’s Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he’ll come over to say “hi”.

Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a punch on the nose.

Li : “Hey!! What that’s for?!”

Spielberg : “You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you
bombed Pearl Harbour!”

Li : “I’m not Japanese! I’m Chinese!”
Spielberg : “Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you’re all the same!”

Spielberg walks back to the other side. Then Jet Li calmly walks over to Spielberg and gives him a really heavy punch on the face.

Spielberg : “Hey! What that’s for….. !?!”

Li : “YOU BLOODY ASSHOLE! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!”

Spielberg : “No, I didn’t, an iceberg sank the Titanic!”

Li : “Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you’re all the same!”


Source : http://kahkahkah.mnazman.com


FART

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....


Source : http://www.jokes-best.com/


WORMS AND ALCOHOL

Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."


Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.


Source : http://www.jokes-best.com/

HUMAN ORIGIN

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

http://www.jokes-best.com/

DRUNK

A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,

"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened." The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car. The Patrol Man said to the man\'s wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?" She replied,
"Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."

http://www.jokes-best.com/

LAWAK ROMANTIK 4 / ROMANTIC JOKES 4

TAK ROMANTIK LANGSUNG

Pada suatu pagi, bertanya si isteri pada si suami:

Isteri : Abang tengok jiran kita yg baru pindah tu?

Suami : Kenapa?

Isteri : Tiap pagi sebelum pergi kerja, suami dia akan cium isterinya. Bila pulang kerja, dia akan berikan isterinya sekuntum bunga mawar. Loving betullah mereka. Kenapa abang tak buat macam tu?

Suami : Nak mampus... Mana abang kenal isteri dia?


Sumber : http://lawakjenaka.com




OWNERSHIP OF HEART

Their was a couple for love, where the boy promised his girl that the heart is only dedicated to her not for any one. For Some years girl went for further studies when she returned after some years ago she saw his boy friend was with another girl.

Immediately stopped him & questioned how he forgot the promise given to her?

Boy..'See gal I had been undergone an OPEN HEART SURGERY so !!!!!'.


Source : http://www.opendb.net




AYAT AWEK

Seorang jejaka yang tak berapa hensome ingin mengayat aweknya supaya dia dapat tidor dengannya.

Jejaka : Awak, saya ada satu teka teki....

Awek : Apa dia?

Jejaka : Apa benda, tiada kanan atau kiri, tiada atas tiada bawah, tiada tengah tiada tepi, tiada awal tiada akhir ?

Awek : Ish, tak tau lah, I give up.

Jejaka : Itulah cinta saya pada awak....

Awek : Betul ke.... he he he. (merah gak lah pipi dia)

Jejaka : Awak, sudi tak awak teman saya di rumah malam ni?

Awek : Boleh, tapi awak kena jawap teka teki saya dulu.

Jejaka : Ok

Awek : Apa benda, bila dipegang sedap, tapi bila dirasa tak sedap?

Jejaka : Emm, tak tau lah.

Awek : Itulah tapak tangan saya (lalu awek tu melempang jejaka tak hensome itu dan terus blah)


Sumber : http://lawakjenaka.com



PERCUNIARY REASONS

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."



Source : http://www.opendb.net



ISTERI KEREK

Pada suatu hari, hendak terjadi hal, si suami terlupa akan birthday isterinya. Si isteri terkilan dan esoknya isteri x gosok baju suaminya, x sediakan bfast & x salam suami dier. Suaminyer plak rasa terkilan

Kirenyer diorg gado sampai lebih seminggu dah, & si suami tu pon amek pendekatan bengong, die x cakap ngan isterinyer dah tp berkomunikasi secara note je. Die tulis atas kertas, die bg suami die bace.

N satu mlm, suami tu tulis note kat isteri dier, 'YANG, TLG KEJUT ABG KUL 6.30 PG YER, ADE MESYUARAT TERGEMPAR SOK'. Isteri die menganguk..

Kringg!!! Kringg!! Kring!! Bunyi alarm bunyi. suami tu pon bangun, die tgk jam, dah kul 9.00 pg. Dgn tensennyer die kalih ke sebelah, isteri die xde, tapi ada kertas atas katil, die amek lalu bace.. 'BANG, BANGUN LAR BANG, DAH 6.30 PG NI, NANTI LEWAT. BANG, BANGUN LAR..'

Suami pon bermonolog dalaman pada dirinya 'ampeh...'



Sumber : http://lawakjenaka.com



ROMANTIC & UNROMANTIC

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you're not.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face.
I wish I were in outer space.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in, to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell.
Except for maybe 'go to hell.'


Source : http://www.opendb.net

FUNNY JOKES 4

CHIEF'S SON IN LAW

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said KEEP QUIET! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell,
"I'm the groom!"


CHILD SENT TO BED

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"


OWN SISTER

A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently,
"Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your own sister"


FM RADIO

Kamran called FM radio & said "I've found a purse with Rs.15000/-, a credit card & an ID card of Mr. Nasir, No. J /125, Liaquatabad, Rawalpindi….

Radio Jockey : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?

Kamran : No……. I just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…


FART IN THE CLASSROOM

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out he goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing.
The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?"
Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out"
The principle says, "Well then why are you laughing?"
Little Johnny says, "Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart and they put me outside in this beautiful weather"

SELAMAT TAHUN BAHARU 2011

SELAMAT TAHUN BAHARU 2011

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera kepada pengikut-pengikut blog saya. Hari ini 1 Januari 2011, kita telah memasuki tahun baharu. Tanpa kita sedari, semakin kita memasuki ke tahun baharu, semakin meningkat umur kita dan semakin dekatlah kita kepada ajal kita. Ada orang seronok menyambut tahun baharu. Sanggup keluar malam ke tempat-tempat awam untuk menyambutnya. Ada pula yang gelisah apabila tibanya tahun baharu. Di samping terpaksa mengeluarkan belanja yang banyak untuk persekolahan anak-anak (bagi yang telah berkahwin dan mempunyai anak)terpaksa juga mencari sumber pendapatan tambahan untuk menampung perbelanjaan harian di ketika kenaikan harga barangan keperluan dewasa ini. Walau apa pun yang anda terpaksa hadapi, hadapilah ia dengan tabah dan sabar kerana di sebalik semua ini terselit hikmah yang tidak kita ketahui.

Di sini saya ingin mengambil kesempatan untuk mengucapkan SELAMAT TAHUN BAHARU MASIHI 2011 DAN SELAMAT TAHUN BAHARU HIJRAH 1432 (rasanya masih belum terlambat) kepada semua. Dan saya juga ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepada mereka-mereka yang melayari blog saya ini. Saya berharap anda semua dapat memberi sokongan kepada saya melalui blog ini dengan mendaftar sebagai pengikut / follower. Dan janganlah lupa untuk mengklik iklan-iklan yang tersedia dalam blog ini kerana dengan mengkliknya, dapatlah saya sedikit duit poket untuk memberi semangat kepada saya meneruskan penghasilan blog ini. Di samping itu saya juga memerlukan komen dan cadangan dari anda semua untuk menjadikan blog ini menarik dan happening. Kerjasama anda semua amat-amat saya perlukan. Terima Kasih.

Di bawah ini saya sertakan dua rangkap pantun untuk anda semua.


Nasi dagang ikan cencaru,
Makanan orang di Pantai Timur,
Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baharu,
Semoga hidup aman dan makmur,

Anak kucing bermata biru,
Anak ayam tak ada bulu,
Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baharu,
Sudah tercapaikah azam yang dulu?