FUNNY JOKES 11

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.


One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.


All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS.


A couple was celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. For the entire time they had been married, the wife had kept a safe which the husband had never been allowed to look into. He asked her if, since they had been married so long, he could see what she had been keeping all these years. She said OK and opened the safe. In it were a pile of money totalling $10,000 and three chicken eggs. He asked her, "What are the eggs doing in there?" She said,"Well, I have to admit that I haven't been completely faithful to you. Whenever I strayed, I put an egg in the safe." He thought about it and said, "Well, I guess I can't be too upset about three eggs. But where did all the money come from?" She replied, "Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

RIDDLES 11

RIDDLES

Two circles, two points and a nail in the middle. What is it?

Four brothers are standing under one hat.

What is it?

It doesn't bark, it doesn't bite but stil don't let you in a house. What is it?

What falls but never gets hurt?

It has a mouth but does not speak, has a bed but never sleeps.

What has no beginning and no end?

A long snake with a stinging bite,

I stay coiled up unless I must fight.

What Rooms can't you Enter?

Completely round is fairly rare.

Bright and shiny when I'm there.

When I'm not, they call me new.

But I'm old. Older than you.

What has an eye open but never sees?

ANSWER

scissors

a table

A Lock

Rain

River

Circle

Whip

Mushrooms

Moon

Needle

KOLEKSI LAWAK JENAKA 11

SAKIT JIWA

Seorang lelaki sakit mental menganggap dirinya adalah jagung dan terlalu takut dengan ayam. Jika ternampak haiwan itu, dia akan lari lintang pukang kerana menyangka ayam akan memakannya. Akhirnya, lelaki itu dimasukkan ke rumah sakit jiwa. Setelah beberapa bulan, doktor pun melakukan ujian ke atas lelaki itu bagi mengenal pasti apakah dia telah pulih ataupun tidak.

Doktor : Adakah kamu tahu siapa diri kamu sekarang?
Lelaki : Ya doktor.
Doktor : Siapa kamu sebenarnya.
Lelaki : Saya ini manusia doktor.
Doktor : Ya ke? Bukan jagung?
Lelaki : Bukan, saya manusia doktor.
Doktor : Kamu takut dengan ayam?
Lelaki : Tidak doktor.
Doktor : Hmm..bagus. Nampaknya kamu dah sembuh.
Lelaki : Tapi doktor, saya ada satu pertanyaan.
Doktor : Apa dia?
Lelaki : Ayam tahu tak yang saya ni dah berubah jadi manusia.
Doktor : "??$$??"

ABANG AKU SELALU BUAT

Pada suatu hari, adalah dua orang rakan karib menaiki keta. Keta itu dipandu dgn lajunya... setibanya di satu Traffic Light, kelihatan lampu traffic light berwarna Merah. Si pemandu nie tadi dengan selambanya memecut tanpa menghiraukan lampu merah tadi. Kawan kat sebelah dia cemas gila lalu bertanya."Hei mat kau tak nampak ke lampu Merah tadi?!!"
Mamat menjawab "Jangan takut abang aku selalu buat".

Selang beberapa kilometer keta ini tiba di satu traffic light, lagi lampu traffic light itu Merah. Tanpa segan silu mamat memecut laju. Kali nie member Mamat tadi lagi bertambah cemas gila-gila-gila babi lalu memarahi si Mamat tadi. "Lagi sekali kau buat macam tu aku nak turun tak kira!!!!" mamat dgn selambanya menjawab "Jgn. takut abang aku selalu buat"
selang beberapa kilometer, keta nie sekali lagi tiba di satu traffic light. Secara mengejut mamat memberhentikan ketanya dgn diikuti kokokkan tayar "SKREET......".

Member mamat nie terus berkata, "Hei! mamat, kau dah gila ke? kan lampu traffic light tu Hijau"

Nak tau apa yang si mamat nie jawab............ "aku takut abang aku akan lalu jalan yang satu lagi..."

KENAPA CHEWING GUM DIHARAM DI SINGAPORE

Rasanya ramai yang dah tahu chewing gum is a banned stuff In Singapore. Cakap pasal chewing gum dan Singapore nie. Ada satu cerita, PM Singapore pegi ke Thailand, dia makan malam dengan raja Siam. Mula-mula diorang makan udang, PM Singapore tanya kat raja siam lepas makan udang , apa orang Thailand buat dengan kulit udang?

Raja Siam jawab: "kami tak buat apa.kami buang aje"
PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore , kami recycle kulit udang Jadik keropok udang, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand?"
Lepas tu diorang makan limau plak. PM Singapore Tanya lagi "Lepas makan limau, apa orang Thailand buat dengan kulit limau?"
Raja Siam jawab "kami tak buat apa,kami buang aje"
PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore, kami recycle kulit limau jadik Jus limau, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand"
Last sekali, diorang makan chewing gum, seperti biasa PM Singapore pun Tanya "Apa orang Thailand buat dengan chewing gum yang dah dimakan?" Raja Siam jawab "Kami tak buat apa, kami! buang aje"
PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore, lepas makan chewing gum, kami recycle jadik kondom, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand"
Raja Siam plak Tanya: "apa orang Singapore buat dengan kondom selepas digunakan?"
PM Singapore jawab:" kami tak buat apa, kami buang aje."
Raja Siam: "ooo kat Thailand, lepas guna kondom, kami recycle jadik chewing gum, Lepas tu kami eksport ke Singapore"

Erk! muka PM Singapore jadik merah padam dan sebaik saja PM Singapore balik ke negaranya, dia terus ban chewing gum di Singapore, sampai sekarang! Itulah kisahnya, kenapa chewing gum di-ban kat Singapore?

FAKTA & GAMBAR 2 / TRUE FACTS & PICTURES 2

TIGA SEKAWAN

Sebuah pusat perlindungan haiwan di Amerika Syarikat telah mendapat 3 ahli baru serentak apabila 3 ekor haiwan yang dipanggil sebagai BLT ditempatkan di situ. B (Bear/Beruang), L (Lion/Singa) dan T (Tiger/Harimau) yang berlainan spesies tetapi dapat hidup bersama telah diselamatkan ketika mereka berumur 2 bulan lapan tahun yang lalu.

An American animal shelter has got three friends it fondly refers to as "BLT." The bear, lion and tiger were rescued when they were all about two months old eight years ago.

Trio ini sekarang tidak dapat dipisahkan kerana mereka telah dibesarkan bersama-sama. Dikenali sebagai Baloo (Beruang), Leo (Singa) dan Shere Khan (Harimau), mereka bertiga telah ditemui bersama-sama ketika pihak polis menggeledah tempat penagih dadah pada tahun 2002.

Sejak dari itu mereka telah tinggal di Noah's Ark Animal Rehabilitation Center and Children's Care Home. Amat menarik kerana ketiga mereka mempunyai laman facebook peminat sendiri.

The trio is now inseparable, as they were raised together. Named Baloo (the bear), Leo (the lion), and Shere Khan (the tiger), they were found together when police raided a drug dealer's premises in 2002. The three have lived at Noah's Ark Animal Rehabilitation Center and Children's Care Home ever since. The trio have a Facebook fan page.

Adalah sesuatu yang menarik untuk menyaksikan Beruang Hitam Amerika memeluk si Harimau Bengal sambil si Belang menyondol ke arahnya seperti seekor kucing jinak lagaknya.

“It is magical to see a giant American Black Bear put his arm around a Bengal tiger and then to see the tiger nuzzle up like a domestic cat.”

Orang ramai boleh melawat pusat perlindungan ini akan tetapi adalah disarankan supaya menelefon terlebih dahulu untuk mengetahui waktu melawat yang ditetapkan. Pusat Rehabilitasi Haiwan Noah's Ark mempunyai beberapa ekor anjing yang sesuai dijadikan binatang peliharaan selain menjadi tempat perlindungan haiwan-haiwan unik. Selain itu Noah's Ark juga mengelolakan pusat penjagaan kanak-kanak yang menempatkan seramai 24 orang kanak-kanak yang berumur sehari hingga 18 tahun. Noah's Ark juga menempatkan sebanyak 1000 ekor haiwan pelbagai spesies.

People can visit the animal sanctuary, although it is advised one should call ahead to ensure they are open. Noah's Ark does have some dogs it will adopt out. Not only home to unique animals in need of caring homes, Noah's Ark also runs a group home for up to 24 children, from birth to 18 years of age. The animal facility is home for up to 1,000 animals.

Sumber/Source : http://interesting-amazing-facts.blogspot.com/search/label/animal%20world

FAKTA & GAMBAR 1 / TRUE FACTS & PICTURES 1

CHIMPANZEE DOGOL

Seekor chimpanzee yang dinamakan Ashes mempunyai keunikkannya tersendiri. Ia yang dilahirkan 13 tahun dulu tidak mempunyai walau sehelai pun bulu di tubuhnya. Semasa Ashes dilahirkan ia mempunyai bulu yang cantik tetapi ketika umurnya setahun, kesemuanya bulunya gugur dan ia akhirnya menjadi dogol. Melihat kepada lengannya yang berotot membuatkan kita faham bahawa ia boleh merobek lengan manusia hingga mati.

ASHES - THE HAIRLESS CHIMP

Ashes is a 13 year old chimpanzee that has literally no hair on its body. When he was born, Ashes had a beautiful fur, but by the time he turned one, he was completely bald. Looking at his arms you can understand why a chimp could easily rip a human’s arms off if it wanted to, he’s just a huge pile of muscles.

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IKAN PARI TERBESAR PERNAH DITANGKAP

Ianya memerlukan 90 minit untuk 13 orang lelaki mendaratkannya. Ikan yang panjang dan lebarnya hampir 7 kaki dan panjang ekornya hampir 10 kaki ditangkap oleh sekumpulan pemancing dari Aldershot, Hampshire di perairan Thailand.

WORLD'S BIGGEST STINGRAY EVER CAUGHT

It took 90 minutes to land, 13 men to heave it out of the water... and weighed 55 stone when they finally got it to the scales. So it's little wonder that when Ian Welch first hooked the record stingray, it almost pulled him into the river. The angler, from Aldershot, Hampshire, was fishing in Thailand when he landed the ray, which is the biggest freshwater fish to be caught with a rod, with over 7ft long and wide, with a tail of 10ft.

Sumber/Source : http://interesting-amazing-facts.blogspot.com/search/label/amazing%20animal?updated-max=2010-04-01T00:01:00-07:00&max-results=20

TRUE FACTS COLLECTION 3

FRIDAY 13th COOL FACTS

No you're not having a nightmare. It really is Friday the 13th again and here are five cool Friday the 13th facts:

1. Fear of Friday the 13th — one of the most popular myths in science — is called paraskavedekatriaphobia as well as friggatriskaidekaphobia. Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13.

2. Many hospitals have no room 13, while some tall buildings skip the 13th floor and some airline terminals omit Gate 13.

3. President Franklin D. Roosevelt would not travel on the 13th day of any month and would never host 13 guests at a meal. Napoleon and President Herbert Hoover were also triskaidekaphobic, with an abnormal fear of the number 13.

4. Mark Twain once was the 13th guest at a dinner party. A friend warned him not to go. "It was bad luck," Twain later told the friend. "They only had food for 12." Superstitious diners in Paris can hire a quatorzieme, or professional 14th guest.

5. The number 13 suffers from its position after 12, according to numerologists who consider the latter to be a complete number — 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labors of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 apostles of Jesus, 12 days of Christmas and 12 eggs in a dozen.

For the first time in 11 years, Friday the 13th is falling in two consecutive months. This double threat can only occur in certain non-leap years and only in a February-March combination. Look for it...or avoid it again in 2015!

KOLEKSI FAKTA MENARIK 3

Lagu kebangsaan Greece ada 158 versi.

Orang Bulgaria paling banyak makan yogurt di dunia

Belanda telah melaksanakan kempen menentang sikap sumpah menyumpah. Stesen Keretapinya mula meletakkan tanda 'Ketinggalan Keretapi? Menyumpah tidak membantu'

Belanda adalah satu-satunya negara di dunia yang ada anjing kebangsaan.

King George I di England tidak boleh berbahasa Enggeris. Beliau dibesarkan di Jerman.

Mesin pengeluaran wang (ATM) mula-mula di cipta di England pada 1965

Buku panduan talipon di negara Iceland kadangkala turut memuatkan pekerjaan seseorang. Ini adalah kerana terlalu banyak penduduknya yang memiliki nama yang sama.

Sehingga tahun 1997, lebih banyak b*#i dari manusia di Denmark.

Sweden mempuyai kadar kelahiran paling sedikit (1 dlm 100)

Komik kartun Donald Duck pernah diharamkan di Finland kerana ia tak pakai seluar.

Lithuania adalah negara yg punyai paling banyak orang bunuh diri.

Kod talipon untuk Russia ialah ' 007 '

Harga bagi burger McDonald's Extra Value di Russia sama dengan purata sebulan gaji pekerja Russia

Orang Russia menjawab talipon dengan menyebut 'saya mendengar'


Amerika beli Alaska dengan harga 2 sen seekar dari Russia

1 dari 5 doktor di seluruh dunia adalah orang Russia

Keretapi yg bergerak setiap hari pergi dan balik ke Bombay di India dibuat untuk menampung 1,700 penumpang tetapi ianya dinaiki oleh 7000 penumpang setiap perjalanan.

Nepal adalah satu-satunya negara yang mempunyai bendera yang bukan empat segi.

Setiap perokok di China menghisap 1,800 batang rokok setiap tahun.

Lebih banyak orang China yang berbahasa Enggeris dari org Amerika.

Berus gigi dicipta di China pada tahun 1498

Vatican City adalah negara terkecil di dunia dengan penduduk 1000 orang dan bersaiz 108 ekar.

Di Jepun, tembikai berbentuk empat segi.

98% mayat di Jepun dibakar.

Nombor 'four' di Jepun dianggap nombor sial kerana sebutannya dalam bahasa Jepun sama dengan perkataan 'mati'

Ada tempat di Jepun dinamakan 'O'

Pada kurun ke 16, orang Philipina menggunakan 'yo-yo' sebagai
senjata perang.

Nama tempat terpanjang di dunia ialah
'Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakpikimaungahoronukupokai-iwhenuakitanatahu' iaitu nama sebuah bukit di New Zealand.

Pulau terbesar di dunia ialah Greenland.

GAMBAR LUCU 10/FUNNY PICTURES 10

Aku haus nie ... cepatlah sikit minum tu ...

Give me a drink ...

Ye haa ... aku nak tunggang kambing pulak hari nie ...

I am going for a ride ...

Eh eh ... dia nak bawa kita pi mana nie ...

Wheres the hell he going to take us ...

Issh bila nak sampai nie ... gayat aku ... elok2 bergayut depa suruh berjalan pulak

Slowly ... slowly ... the girls are waiting ...

Betapa gumbiranya aku punya hati ... dapat mandi air pancut ni ...

It's feel good ...

FUNNY JOKES 10

KANGAROO

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they ll go?” The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

ORANG-UTANG

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

A FATHER AND A SON

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad,” the boy said finally, “if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …” “Yes, son?” the father said expectantly. “What bus should I take home?” the boy finished.

SOUND OF A MOUSE

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. “Davy, what noise does a cow make?” “It goes moo.” “Alice, what noise does a cat make?” “It goes meow.” “Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” “It goes baaa.” “Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?” “Errr.., it goes.. click!”

GENDER DISORDER

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. “First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse”, she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. “O.K., now take off my skirt”, and he takes off her skirt. “Now take off my bra”, which he does. “And now, Johnny, please take off my panties”. Johnny finishes removing these too. His mother then says, “Johnny, please don’t wear any of my clothes to school anymore!”

RIDDLES 10

RIDDLES

A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son.
Who am I.

Take off my skin - I won't cry, but you will! What am I?

I sleep by day, I fly by night. I have no feathers to aid my flight.
What am I?

Two girls have the same parents and were born at the same hour of the same day of the same month, but they are not twins. How can this be possible?

David was out for a walk when it started to rain. He did not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat. His clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet.

How could this happen?

A beggar's brother died, but the man who died had no brother.
How could this be?

A mother gave birth to twin boys, but they were born in different years and on different days. And no, the boys are not part of 2 sets. How can this be possible?

What always goes to bed with his shoes on?

The ages of a father and son add up to 66. The father's age is the son's age reversed.
How old could they be? (3 possible solutions).

A man walks into a his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and he wasn't Superman or any other caped crusader.
How did he do this?

ANSWERS

I'm their daughter.

An Onion.

A Bat.

They were not born in the same year.

David is bald.

The beggar was a woman.

One was born on December 31 at 11:59 p.m. and the other January 1 at 12:00 a.m!

A Horse.

51 and 15. 42 and 24. 60 and 06.

He shot his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

KOLEKSI LAWAK JENAKA 10

RAHMAT DAN PEGUAM


Rahmat ialah saksi satu kes jenayah berat, kelihatan gementar dan gugup ketika diminta memberi keterangan oleh seorang peguam. Dengan suara yang lantang, peguam itu bertanya, adakah anda sudah berkahwin?.

Sudah, Tuan. jawab Rahmat dengan suara yang tersekat-sekat.

Peguam : Sudah berapa kali, kamu berkahwin

Rizal : Sekali sahaja.,

Peguam : Dengan siapa kamu berkahwin?,

Rizal : Seorang perempuan, Tuan!

Kerana panas mendengar jawapan dari Rahmat, dengan marah, peguam berkata, Tentulah kamu berkahwin dengan perempuan. Kamu pernah dengar ke ada orang yang kahwin dengan lelaki? ,

Rahmat : Ada tuan, adik perempuan saya berkahwin dengan lelaki, tuan.




GAJAH MATI


Seorang pengurus sebuah Zoo mendapat panggilan telefon mengenai kematian seekor gajah di Zoo tersebut. Sebagai langkah pemeriksaan, pengurus tersebut telah pergi ke kandang gajah tersebut dan mendapati ada seorang lelaki menangis bersebelahan dengan bangkai gajah tersebut.

Pengurus : Sebagai penjaga gajah, saya faham kesedihan yang kamu tanggung kerana apabila haiwan yang kita bela sudah mati.

Lelaki: Saya bukan penjaga gajah ini, tuan. Tetapi sayalah yang ditugaskan untuk menggali kubur dan menanamnya.




DILEMA SEORANG LELAKI BERGELAR DOKTOR


Seorang lelaki yang kebetulan seorang doktor muda, merasa tidak selesa dengan apa yang telah berlaku.

Ia pulang ke rumah dengan wajah muram. Setibanya di rumah, ia merebahkan diri di katil dan fikirannya mula melayang.

Lalu ia mendengar suara dalam kepalanya berkata,

“Sudahlah, tidak usah difikirkan. Skandal doktor membuat hubungan intim dengan pesakit terjadi di mana-mana. Jadi kamu tidak perlu merasa bimbang.”

Doktor tersebut cuba untuk setuju, tapi apa yang telah terjadi pagi itu terbayang kembali dan perasaan tidak selesa muncul lagi.

Ia membalikkan badan dan mendengar lagi suara dalam kepalanya,

“Tak perlu bimbang,orang sudah mula biasa dengan skandal hubungan seksual antara doktor dan pesakitnya.”

Lelaki itu mulai tenang dan perasaannya beransur-ansur pulih…

Tiba-tiba suara lain dalam kepalanya berkata,

“Tapi masalahnya kamu kan doktor haiwan…”



SEMUANYA BABA


Seorang salesman sedang mempromosikan produk perusahaannya kepada seorang pelajar kolej.. Dia menanyakan pertanyaan tentang produk yang dipakai pelajar tersebut.

“Sabun mana yang anda gunakan selama ini?”

Pelajar tersebut dengan selamba menjawab, “Sabun Baba.”

“Kalau deodorant, deodorant mana yang anda gunakan?”

” Deodorant Baba,” jawab pelajar itu.

“Minyak wangi?”

“Minyak Wangi Baba.”

“Shampoo?”

“Shampoo Baba.”

Akhirnya dengan kecewa si salesman bertanya lagi, “Ok, apakah
jenama Baba ini jenama tempatan atau luar negara kerana saya belum
pernah dengar? Siapa tahu Anda selama ini memakai produk yang tidak sihat.”

Pelajar itu menjawab, “Bukan jenama tempatan atau luar negara. Baba
itu rakan sebilik saya.”

DIALOG DUA HANTU

Tersebutlah kisah dua orang hantu. Mereka ni baru bertemu lalu mereka pun berborakla untuk mengisi masa lapang kehidupan mereka sebagai hantu. Sepanjang perbualan mereka, Hantu B ni tak habis-habis menggigil. Lalu, Hantu A yang kehairanan ni pun bertanya,

"Apsal kau ni asyik menggigil je?"

"Oh..cara aku mati dulu teruk..aku mati dalam peti ais...sejuk!!" Jawab Hantu B sambil menggigil lagi.

"Ooo..kesian... aku dulu mati sebab heart attack." Kata Hantu A ramah.

"Kau memang sakit jantung kronik ye? Apsal ko tak gi buat operation? Kalau tak, sure kau tengah lepak-lepak ngan family kau sekarang." Balas Hantu B.

"Dah,aku dah buat dah !In fact mase aku mati tu, aku in recovery. Panjang ceritanya..." jawab Hantu A sayu.

"Ceritala sikit..Sambil-sambil lepak nih.."

"Camni..Aku syak isteri aku main kayu tiga ngan aku. So this one day, aku ingat nak perangkap la isteri aku..Aku pura-pura gi keje tapi actually aku park keta aku kat simpang hujung umah aku je. Seperti yang aku syak, masuk sebuah keta kat carpark umah aku. Aku rilex dulu sebab nak carik mase sesuai tangkap diorang."

"So, ko dapatla tangkap diorang?" tanya Hantu B penuh minat.

"Tak. Aku cume jumpe isteri aku je kat dalam bilik. Yang aku heran, mase aku masuk umah tu, aku nampak ade kasut laki kat pintu umah aku. Aku tanye isteri aku tapi die takmo jawab. So aku pun lari-lari sekeliling umah aku nak carik jantan tuh. Abis sume bilik aku carik tapi takde pun.. Last-last, sebab aku penat sangat berlari carik jantan tuh, aku pun jatuh pengsan sebab heart attack. And aku tak sangka aku mati lak..." kata Hantu A mengakhiri ceritanya dengan kesedihan.

Hantu B terdiam mendengarkan cerita Hantu A. Selepas beberapa ketika, Hantu B berkata,

"Kenapa kau tak check kat dalam peti sejuk? Kalau kau check kat situ, sure kita berdua still hidup lagi.

TRUE FACTS COLLECTION 2

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...

Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England -

but only in tropical fish stores.

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Starfish don't have brains.

KOLEKSI FAKTA MENARIK 2

Angkasawan Neil Armstrong mula menjejakkan kaki di bulan
dengan kaki kiri.

Pemain bolakeranjang Micheal Jordan menerima bayaran tahunan
dari syarikat kasut Nike lebih banyak dari keseluruhan
gaji pekerja kilang Nike di Malaysia.

Nama paling panjang di dunia ialah 'Adolp Blaine Charles David
Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero
oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Shermasn Thomas Uncas Victor William
Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Senior'

Gunting dicipta oleh Leonardo Da Vinci

Nama sebenar Tina Turner ialah Annie Mae Bullock.

Walt Disney amat takut dengan tikus.

Bunyi E.T berjalan dibuat dengan meramas agar-agar dalam tangan.

Gula mula dibubuh dalam Chewing gum oleh seorang doktor gigi, William Semple

Kertas dicipta pada abad kedua di China

Canada adalah perkataan Red Indian yang bermaksud "Lembah Besar"

Pada tahun 1984, peladang Canada menyewakan badan lembu mereka untuk ruang iklan.

0.3% kemalangan jalanraya di Canada membabitkan rusa.

Dalam kebakaran terbesar di London pada tahun 1966, separuh dari kota London terbakar tapi cuma 6 orang yg tercedera.

Bolivia ada dua ibu negara.

Amazon adalah sungai yang terbesar di dunia, 6,259 km

Bandar Calma di Chile tidak pernah langsung menerima hujan

Orang Perancis makan lebih banyak keju dari negara lain di dunia

Ada sebuah tempat di Francis yang bernama "Y"

Raja Louis XIX memerintah Perancis selama 15 minit sahaja.

Ketinggian Eifel Tower di Perancis sentiasa berubah mengikut suhu. Adakalanya sehingga 6 inci.

RIDDLES 9

RIDDLES

A large truck is crossing a bridge 1 mile long. The bridge can only hold 14000 lbs, which is the exact weight of the truck at that time. The truck makes it half way across the bridge and stops. A bird lands on the truck. Does the bridge collapse?

Two cops walked into a room with no windows and found a dead man who obviously hung himself from the ceiling, though they couldn't figure out how. There was no chair beneath him that he might have jumped off of, or a table. They just found a puddle of water. How did the man hang himself?

There are 3 stoves. A glass stove, a brick stove, and a wood stove. You only have 1 match. Which do you light up first?

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me USD 50, but if I cannot, I will pay you USD 50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?


A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

Sergi and Sally where sitting in their family room one night. While Sergi was watching T.V his wife Sally was reading. All of a sudden the power went out and Sergi decided to go to bed, but Sally kept on reading. With no use of artificial light, Sally kept on reading. How?

I give you a group of three. One is sitting down, and will never get up. The second eats as much as is given to him, yet is always hungry. The third goes away and never returns.

When you are full, you still want to eat it. Even if it is completely dark you still can see it with your naked eyes. If you happen to fall on a heap of cotton, you will suffer from it. And, even if you are completely broke, you still have it. What is this strange thing?

Mom and Dad have four daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

There are two dogs sitting on a porch - one dog is fat and one is thin. The little dog is the son of the fat dog, but the fat dog is not the father of the thin dog.




ANSWERS

No, because it has already traveled half a mile and lost that much amount of fuel.

He used a block of ice which melted after the person hanged himself.

You light the match first.

He wrote the words, your exact weight.

She takes his photograph and develops the negative.

Sally was blind and was reading in braille.

Stove, fire and smoke.

Nothing!

Seven. The four daughters have only one brother, making five children, plus mom and dad.

The fat dog is the mother.

FUNNY JOKES 9

THE BRIDE AND HER HUSBAND

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Source : http://www.funnyjokes.org/The-bride-and-her-husband10_J.aspx

THE PENGUIN AND THE SHOP KEEPER

A penguin walks into the shop and says have you got any apples and the shop keeper says no.

The next day he goes in again and asks for some apples, the shop keeper says no.

The next day he goes in again and asks the same thing and the shop keeper says no, if you come in one more time and ask me for sum bloody apples, i will nail your feet to the floor !!

The next day the penguin goes back in the shop and says " have you got any nails" the shop keeper says no so the penguin says " well can I have some grapes then" !!

Source :

MAKE MY HORSE LAUGH

There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So this guy walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure. The cowboy walks out there and whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically. The guys walks in and the bartender gives him the drinks. The next night the same guy and the same thing happens. The third night the sign is changed to making the horse cry. The guy goes out side and a few minutes later he comes back in and the horse is crying. The bartender says 'o.k. you can have your drinks but first tell me what you did to make my horse laugh.' The cowboy said, 'I told him my privates are bigger than his.' 'O.K. but how did you make him cry?' The cowboy replied, 'I proved it to him.' Source : http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Animal-Jokes/Make-My-Horse-Laugh.html

PRAY BEFORE EATING

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away. "Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him. "I don't have to," the little boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

Source : http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=5296&id=1

FATHER OF WHO

A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him. She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?" The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids". The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife. So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my bare ass with a whip?" The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher". Source : http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=4982&id=1

GAMBAR LUCU 9 /FUNNY PICTURES 9

Hang rasa-rasa aku kalau masuk program realiti Raja Lawak, aku boleh menang ke???

Hang tak sesuai masuk program tu Mat, kita nie binatang mana boleh masuk program tu, ...

Habis tu???

Hang sesuai masuk program America Funniest Animal Video ... gerenti hang boleh menang ...

Ye ke ???

Kalau hang tak menang hang boleh masuk satu program lagi ...

Program apa tu???

Program berlawak dalam Pusat Perlindungan Haiwan ... hehehe ... kita nie bukan ke anjing terbiar ... tak ada tuan ... kalau hang masuk gerenti menang ... kalau tak menang pun ... depa bagi hadiah kat hang ...

Tak menang pun boleh dapat hadiah ke ??? Hadiah apa ???

Tiket melancong ke syurga !!! Depa tembak hang la pasai hang senyum dan buat muka cam tu ... depa ingat hang sakit anjing gila ... takut berjangkit ... depa kena la tembak hang ... kih kih kih

Lahabau punya member ...

Dogs Gonna Go Crazy

Sumber/Source : http://www.funnypicture123.com/html/animal_funny/20100322/1005.html

Ada kawan datang nak jumpa bapak ....

Apa??? Tuan kita datang bawa kapak??? Pasai apa pulak ???

Bapakkkkk ... nie kawan cheq datang nak jumpa bapakkkk !!!!

Cakap pelan-pelan la aku bukannya pekak !!!! Ha mana bola tu aku nak sepak !!!!

@%#&%!? &^%$# punya orang tua ... dok pekak lagi ...

Dude, I Hear You ...

Sumber/Source: http://www.funnypicture123.com/html/animal_funny/20100725/1064.html

Mari abang tunjukkan cara menari tango ... tak susah pun ... lepas nie kita menari cha cha pulak

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Sumber/Source : http://www.onlyfunpics.com/funnypics/Animal_Kiss

TRUE FACTS COLLECTION 1

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves.

Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. Not to mention the other drawback.

The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.