FUNNY JOKES 11

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.


One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.


All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS.


A couple was celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. For the entire time they had been married, the wife had kept a safe which the husband had never been allowed to look into. He asked her if, since they had been married so long, he could see what she had been keeping all these years. She said OK and opened the safe. In it were a pile of money totalling $10,000 and three chicken eggs. He asked her, "What are the eggs doing in there?" She said,"Well, I have to admit that I haven't been completely faithful to you. Whenever I strayed, I put an egg in the safe." He thought about it and said, "Well, I guess I can't be too upset about three eggs. But where did all the money come from?" She replied, "Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

RIDDLES 11

RIDDLES

Two circles, two points and a nail in the middle. What is it?

Four brothers are standing under one hat.

What is it?

It doesn't bark, it doesn't bite but stil don't let you in a house. What is it?

What falls but never gets hurt?

It has a mouth but does not speak, has a bed but never sleeps.

What has no beginning and no end?

A long snake with a stinging bite,

I stay coiled up unless I must fight.

What Rooms can't you Enter?

Completely round is fairly rare.

Bright and shiny when I'm there.

When I'm not, they call me new.

But I'm old. Older than you.

What has an eye open but never sees?

ANSWER

scissors

a table

A Lock

Rain

River

Circle

Whip

Mushrooms

Moon

Needle

KOLEKSI LAWAK JENAKA 11

SAKIT JIWA

Seorang lelaki sakit mental menganggap dirinya adalah jagung dan terlalu takut dengan ayam. Jika ternampak haiwan itu, dia akan lari lintang pukang kerana menyangka ayam akan memakannya. Akhirnya, lelaki itu dimasukkan ke rumah sakit jiwa. Setelah beberapa bulan, doktor pun melakukan ujian ke atas lelaki itu bagi mengenal pasti apakah dia telah pulih ataupun tidak.

Doktor : Adakah kamu tahu siapa diri kamu sekarang?
Lelaki : Ya doktor.
Doktor : Siapa kamu sebenarnya.
Lelaki : Saya ini manusia doktor.
Doktor : Ya ke? Bukan jagung?
Lelaki : Bukan, saya manusia doktor.
Doktor : Kamu takut dengan ayam?
Lelaki : Tidak doktor.
Doktor : Hmm..bagus. Nampaknya kamu dah sembuh.
Lelaki : Tapi doktor, saya ada satu pertanyaan.
Doktor : Apa dia?
Lelaki : Ayam tahu tak yang saya ni dah berubah jadi manusia.
Doktor : "??$$??"

ABANG AKU SELALU BUAT

Pada suatu hari, adalah dua orang rakan karib menaiki keta. Keta itu dipandu dgn lajunya... setibanya di satu Traffic Light, kelihatan lampu traffic light berwarna Merah. Si pemandu nie tadi dengan selambanya memecut tanpa menghiraukan lampu merah tadi. Kawan kat sebelah dia cemas gila lalu bertanya."Hei mat kau tak nampak ke lampu Merah tadi?!!"
Mamat menjawab "Jangan takut abang aku selalu buat".

Selang beberapa kilometer keta ini tiba di satu traffic light, lagi lampu traffic light itu Merah. Tanpa segan silu mamat memecut laju. Kali nie member Mamat tadi lagi bertambah cemas gila-gila-gila babi lalu memarahi si Mamat tadi. "Lagi sekali kau buat macam tu aku nak turun tak kira!!!!" mamat dgn selambanya menjawab "Jgn. takut abang aku selalu buat"
selang beberapa kilometer, keta nie sekali lagi tiba di satu traffic light. Secara mengejut mamat memberhentikan ketanya dgn diikuti kokokkan tayar "SKREET......".

Member mamat nie terus berkata, "Hei! mamat, kau dah gila ke? kan lampu traffic light tu Hijau"

Nak tau apa yang si mamat nie jawab............ "aku takut abang aku akan lalu jalan yang satu lagi..."

KENAPA CHEWING GUM DIHARAM DI SINGAPORE

Rasanya ramai yang dah tahu chewing gum is a banned stuff In Singapore. Cakap pasal chewing gum dan Singapore nie. Ada satu cerita, PM Singapore pegi ke Thailand, dia makan malam dengan raja Siam. Mula-mula diorang makan udang, PM Singapore tanya kat raja siam lepas makan udang , apa orang Thailand buat dengan kulit udang?

Raja Siam jawab: "kami tak buat apa.kami buang aje"
PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore , kami recycle kulit udang Jadik keropok udang, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand?"
Lepas tu diorang makan limau plak. PM Singapore Tanya lagi "Lepas makan limau, apa orang Thailand buat dengan kulit limau?"
Raja Siam jawab "kami tak buat apa,kami buang aje"
PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore, kami recycle kulit limau jadik Jus limau, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand"
Last sekali, diorang makan chewing gum, seperti biasa PM Singapore pun Tanya "Apa orang Thailand buat dengan chewing gum yang dah dimakan?" Raja Siam jawab "Kami tak buat apa, kami! buang aje"
PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore, lepas makan chewing gum, kami recycle jadik kondom, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand"
Raja Siam plak Tanya: "apa orang Singapore buat dengan kondom selepas digunakan?"
PM Singapore jawab:" kami tak buat apa, kami buang aje."
Raja Siam: "ooo kat Thailand, lepas guna kondom, kami recycle jadik chewing gum, Lepas tu kami eksport ke Singapore"

Erk! muka PM Singapore jadik merah padam dan sebaik saja PM Singapore balik ke negaranya, dia terus ban chewing gum di Singapore, sampai sekarang! Itulah kisahnya, kenapa chewing gum di-ban kat Singapore?

FAKTA & GAMBAR 2 / TRUE FACTS & PICTURES 2

TIGA SEKAWAN

Sebuah pusat perlindungan haiwan di Amerika Syarikat telah mendapat 3 ahli baru serentak apabila 3 ekor haiwan yang dipanggil sebagai BLT ditempatkan di situ. B (Bear/Beruang), L (Lion/Singa) dan T (Tiger/Harimau) yang berlainan spesies tetapi dapat hidup bersama telah diselamatkan ketika mereka berumur 2 bulan lapan tahun yang lalu.

An American animal shelter has got three friends it fondly refers to as "BLT." The bear, lion and tiger were rescued when they were all about two months old eight years ago.

Trio ini sekarang tidak dapat dipisahkan kerana mereka telah dibesarkan bersama-sama. Dikenali sebagai Baloo (Beruang), Leo (Singa) dan Shere Khan (Harimau), mereka bertiga telah ditemui bersama-sama ketika pihak polis menggeledah tempat penagih dadah pada tahun 2002.

Sejak dari itu mereka telah tinggal di Noah's Ark Animal Rehabilitation Center and Children's Care Home. Amat menarik kerana ketiga mereka mempunyai laman facebook peminat sendiri.

The trio is now inseparable, as they were raised together. Named Baloo (the bear), Leo (the lion), and Shere Khan (the tiger), they were found together when police raided a drug dealer's premises in 2002. The three have lived at Noah's Ark Animal Rehabilitation Center and Children's Care Home ever since. The trio have a Facebook fan page.

Adalah sesuatu yang menarik untuk menyaksikan Beruang Hitam Amerika memeluk si Harimau Bengal sambil si Belang menyondol ke arahnya seperti seekor kucing jinak lagaknya.

“It is magical to see a giant American Black Bear put his arm around a Bengal tiger and then to see the tiger nuzzle up like a domestic cat.”

Orang ramai boleh melawat pusat perlindungan ini akan tetapi adalah disarankan supaya menelefon terlebih dahulu untuk mengetahui waktu melawat yang ditetapkan. Pusat Rehabilitasi Haiwan Noah's Ark mempunyai beberapa ekor anjing yang sesuai dijadikan binatang peliharaan selain menjadi tempat perlindungan haiwan-haiwan unik. Selain itu Noah's Ark juga mengelolakan pusat penjagaan kanak-kanak yang menempatkan seramai 24 orang kanak-kanak yang berumur sehari hingga 18 tahun. Noah's Ark juga menempatkan sebanyak 1000 ekor haiwan pelbagai spesies.

People can visit the animal sanctuary, although it is advised one should call ahead to ensure they are open. Noah's Ark does have some dogs it will adopt out. Not only home to unique animals in need of caring homes, Noah's Ark also runs a group home for up to 24 children, from birth to 18 years of age. The animal facility is home for up to 1,000 animals.

Sumber/Source : http://interesting-amazing-facts.blogspot.com/search/label/animal%20world

FAKTA & GAMBAR 1 / TRUE FACTS & PICTURES 1

CHIMPANZEE DOGOL

Seekor chimpanzee yang dinamakan Ashes mempunyai keunikkannya tersendiri. Ia yang dilahirkan 13 tahun dulu tidak mempunyai walau sehelai pun bulu di tubuhnya. Semasa Ashes dilahirkan ia mempunyai bulu yang cantik tetapi ketika umurnya setahun, kesemuanya bulunya gugur dan ia akhirnya menjadi dogol. Melihat kepada lengannya yang berotot membuatkan kita faham bahawa ia boleh merobek lengan manusia hingga mati.

ASHES - THE HAIRLESS CHIMP

Ashes is a 13 year old chimpanzee that has literally no hair on its body. When he was born, Ashes had a beautiful fur, but by the time he turned one, he was completely bald. Looking at his arms you can understand why a chimp could easily rip a human’s arms off if it wanted to, he’s just a huge pile of muscles.

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IKAN PARI TERBESAR PERNAH DITANGKAP

Ianya memerlukan 90 minit untuk 13 orang lelaki mendaratkannya. Ikan yang panjang dan lebarnya hampir 7 kaki dan panjang ekornya hampir 10 kaki ditangkap oleh sekumpulan pemancing dari Aldershot, Hampshire di perairan Thailand.

WORLD'S BIGGEST STINGRAY EVER CAUGHT

It took 90 minutes to land, 13 men to heave it out of the water... and weighed 55 stone when they finally got it to the scales. So it's little wonder that when Ian Welch first hooked the record stingray, it almost pulled him into the river. The angler, from Aldershot, Hampshire, was fishing in Thailand when he landed the ray, which is the biggest freshwater fish to be caught with a rod, with over 7ft long and wide, with a tail of 10ft.

Sumber/Source : http://interesting-amazing-facts.blogspot.com/search/label/amazing%20animal?updated-max=2010-04-01T00:01:00-07:00&max-results=20

TRUE FACTS COLLECTION 3

FRIDAY 13th COOL FACTS

No you're not having a nightmare. It really is Friday the 13th again and here are five cool Friday the 13th facts:

1. Fear of Friday the 13th — one of the most popular myths in science — is called paraskavedekatriaphobia as well as friggatriskaidekaphobia. Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13.

2. Many hospitals have no room 13, while some tall buildings skip the 13th floor and some airline terminals omit Gate 13.

3. President Franklin D. Roosevelt would not travel on the 13th day of any month and would never host 13 guests at a meal. Napoleon and President Herbert Hoover were also triskaidekaphobic, with an abnormal fear of the number 13.

4. Mark Twain once was the 13th guest at a dinner party. A friend warned him not to go. "It was bad luck," Twain later told the friend. "They only had food for 12." Superstitious diners in Paris can hire a quatorzieme, or professional 14th guest.

5. The number 13 suffers from its position after 12, according to numerologists who consider the latter to be a complete number — 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labors of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 apostles of Jesus, 12 days of Christmas and 12 eggs in a dozen.

For the first time in 11 years, Friday the 13th is falling in two consecutive months. This double threat can only occur in certain non-leap years and only in a February-March combination. Look for it...or avoid it again in 2015!

KOLEKSI FAKTA MENARIK 3

Lagu kebangsaan Greece ada 158 versi.

Orang Bulgaria paling banyak makan yogurt di dunia

Belanda telah melaksanakan kempen menentang sikap sumpah menyumpah. Stesen Keretapinya mula meletakkan tanda 'Ketinggalan Keretapi? Menyumpah tidak membantu'

Belanda adalah satu-satunya negara di dunia yang ada anjing kebangsaan.

King George I di England tidak boleh berbahasa Enggeris. Beliau dibesarkan di Jerman.

Mesin pengeluaran wang (ATM) mula-mula di cipta di England pada 1965

Buku panduan talipon di negara Iceland kadangkala turut memuatkan pekerjaan seseorang. Ini adalah kerana terlalu banyak penduduknya yang memiliki nama yang sama.

Sehingga tahun 1997, lebih banyak b*#i dari manusia di Denmark.

Sweden mempuyai kadar kelahiran paling sedikit (1 dlm 100)

Komik kartun Donald Duck pernah diharamkan di Finland kerana ia tak pakai seluar.

Lithuania adalah negara yg punyai paling banyak orang bunuh diri.

Kod talipon untuk Russia ialah ' 007 '

Harga bagi burger McDonald's Extra Value di Russia sama dengan purata sebulan gaji pekerja Russia

Orang Russia menjawab talipon dengan menyebut 'saya mendengar'


Amerika beli Alaska dengan harga 2 sen seekar dari Russia

1 dari 5 doktor di seluruh dunia adalah orang Russia

Keretapi yg bergerak setiap hari pergi dan balik ke Bombay di India dibuat untuk menampung 1,700 penumpang tetapi ianya dinaiki oleh 7000 penumpang setiap perjalanan.

Nepal adalah satu-satunya negara yang mempunyai bendera yang bukan empat segi.

Setiap perokok di China menghisap 1,800 batang rokok setiap tahun.

Lebih banyak orang China yang berbahasa Enggeris dari org Amerika.

Berus gigi dicipta di China pada tahun 1498

Vatican City adalah negara terkecil di dunia dengan penduduk 1000 orang dan bersaiz 108 ekar.

Di Jepun, tembikai berbentuk empat segi.

98% mayat di Jepun dibakar.

Nombor 'four' di Jepun dianggap nombor sial kerana sebutannya dalam bahasa Jepun sama dengan perkataan 'mati'

Ada tempat di Jepun dinamakan 'O'

Pada kurun ke 16, orang Philipina menggunakan 'yo-yo' sebagai
senjata perang.

Nama tempat terpanjang di dunia ialah
'Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakpikimaungahoronukupokai-iwhenuakitanatahu' iaitu nama sebuah bukit di New Zealand.

Pulau terbesar di dunia ialah Greenland.